I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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