I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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