she was so not down for the gang bang
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
