After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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