Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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