Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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