No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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