i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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