I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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