At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
