i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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