I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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