Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
