I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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