I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
