and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
