I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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