you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
