wanna go halves on a baby?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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