did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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