like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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