It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
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Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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