I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
