Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
