I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
