Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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