I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
