i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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