babies were throwing up all over the place
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
