I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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