so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
