he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
