remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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