Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
