that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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