I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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