dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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