My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
