cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
