Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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