I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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