ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
