Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
