the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
