I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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