she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
