I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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