If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
