I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
