i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
