found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
