This show inspires me to have sex in space
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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