So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
