i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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