Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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