He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
