One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
